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Ending Chronicle

I think nobody can dissagree with me when I say I hate the ending of The Chronicle.

I refuse to believe Steve & Andrew died.  

I refuse to think that Andrew killed Steve. He knew Steve meant well that time. 
They got down together and talked. Matt and Steve helped Andrew with his issues and they went to travel and explore the world.

My ending tch. 

New Years’ xtc night

I wanna write about yesterday/today but it’s such a long story so it’s impossible to write about now.

Today actually: 1 January 18:56

I woke up about an hour ago. I should sleep more but am not feeling it. Yesterday was so awesome. But unfortunately one does not share her xtc stories to the surrounding humans. 

I wanna have this story in chronologic order. That’s gonna be hard, that’s why I’m going to adjust it a lot. I’m sure.

This was my second time taking xtc.

My jaws hurt. Fuuuuuuuuuuck.

Okay. I baked oliebollen for new years eve, which were delicious. I chose to wear a plaid blouse with a bow, a cute kind of jeansy skirt, a fluffy flower as a headband, white nerdy glasses and a teddy bear pluche backpack. All black and white. I thought it wasn’t only funny but also quite good looking.  (Hihi) I also made my bob curly (Atleast, I thought it was curly but found out it was just messy. xD) and put fabulous makeup on.

I’m leaving out names for privacy reasons.

Redhead came at my place first. She came quite early ‘cause the busses wouldn’t drive later on because of new years. So we chatted and she smoked some weed. I thought it wasn’t a good idea for me because smoking weed before drinking isn’t liked by my body and I didn’t want to start that partyhardy. We still had a looong night ahead of us. (Even though we didn’t know that by then. Hihi.)

Suddenly, me and Redhead started talking about taking xtc with us, as she had forgotten hers. I told her I still had some and that I would take it with me. It was a just in case scenario and we weren’t planning to actually taking it. 
I thought I had 2 and a half pill lying around but unfortunately there was only one and a half. 

She didn’t like my fake glasses so I kinda left them in the bag the entire time. Also because they got foggy all the fucking time and dancing is impossible with those things. That’s why I absolutely salute glasses-wearing-people!

We started playing this kids game where you have cards which say things you have to do like: Spin around, stick your tongue out, make cow sounds, etc etc. You have to pick a card and do what the card says, then your opponent does the same. You pick another card. Do what the first card said to do, without looking and do the second one. So forth until one of you doesn’t remember the cards. 
It’s a typical game to train kids’ brain and hilarious to drink alcohol with. I’m prolly gonna take it with me to eating mushrooms tomorrow.

My friend; Blondie would also come but I didn’t hear from her. So when I could finally reach her, she said she didn’t know the busses weren’t driving after 8. So they had to walk quite the distance to come here. It took them an hour. Which is pretty fast for that distance. She was supposed to only come with her boyfriend but they took 2 other friends with them. Which wasn’t a problem. They smoked pot together a bit. Ate oliebollen. And then we went to the roof around 12 to see all the fireworks. And ofcourse light some of my kiddie firework.

I knew some other friends of mine; Afro, Feather, Bear and 2 other friends of them were going to a party and I asked if we wanted to meet up before going to the parties. So I met them on a party on the street. Which was cool.

Redhead, Grey (a friend of Redhead, who is also kinda my friend lol.) and I had bought tickets for a Drum and bass party from 9 till 6 . The others didn’t want to come with us so we were gonna split up. We wanted to cash money out the machine and I (wasn’t even drunk but still:) left the money in the machine. (Which was 30 euros.) So I had to cash out again. I was kinda sad about it but I didn’t want it to ruin my night.
I went to the party. Danced. Met people who I knew. Gave them some sake disguised in a Bratz bottle. I danced and saw a girl with a really cool outfit and I thought, wow I need to just tell her. Compliments are good, so I did. After an hour or 2 Redhead and I found each other again after looking for quite a while. She asked me if she could have some xtc. So I asked her first if she thought it was a good idea, ‘cause we drank alcohol already. (I didn’t have so much tho.) (Also it had been quite a while.) 
So I told her okay, let’s go to the toilet together then. She was laughingly telling me that if someone was supsicious about us together in the toilet we should just say we were having sex. Haha. She had a half. I was saying: “I’m not sure if I want to take some…” And she just told me: ”Why not, just do it, nothing wrong with it.” Really easy like that actually and I thought: ”Well indeed why not? Let’s be spontanuos.”

For me it takes quite a while before I feel it. Normally I hear it’s supposed to take half an hour but for me I think around an hour. I lost Redhead again and was walking with Grey. I just told him that we had some. It would be awkward if he just suddenly noticed. That would be stupid to me. He was ok with it. Patty and I knew that we would need some more pills so I asked a lot of people, who I either knew took pills or who looked like they had some. But noone had some.
I started to feel something.
I went to the toilet and I saw a girl I hated in highschool. She immidiatly saw I was going pretty hard. She told me to enjoy and stuff. Actually quite nice. (And yea that suprised me. xD) I actually talked to two guys who were alone. I even offered someone to sit on my back, he refused and walked away so I went outside for a while, mostly to look for Redhead but even though I coudn’t find her, I found some other interesting people.
There were some people tripping on LSD. One Marrocan guy and one Dutch boy. The Marrocan really wanted to share his thoughts about politics and religion and everyone respected his thoughts. The Dutch boy wanted to share his thoughts about this documantery of world domination. He couldn’t really explain it well though so that made him quite sad, which resorted to me being sad. So I told him it really didn’t matter that he couldn’t explain and that I betted that it was really interesting.
There was some guy there who sold LSD. I really didn’t like him. He was acting like he really wanted to earn money off of it. And I don’t like such an attitude towards drugs because those are the ones who push. Also he made a joke and this girl came up to him and she just kicked him all over. It seriously scared me, because at first I thought he was crying and I didn’t know if he was tripping so I thought it was quite dangerous. So I asked the other people and asked if that was normal. And apperently the girl was quite good friends with him and he was laughing. Lol what the hell?

I kinda asked if the Dutch boy and the Maroccan wanted to come with me to the afterparty of the party where Feather, Bear and Afro were going. They kinda said yes. The Dutch boy told me we could have a afterparty at his place. So I was like yea I wanna come but I don’t want it to be the two of us. He wasn’t sure who he could ask.
Then I think Patty found me together with her friend: Cap.

Quite suddenly I found this amazing rush through me and this is what I was doing seriously: “Hooooly cow man. I need to run! Let’s run.  OOOOOOOOOOHHH LET’S RUUUNNNN.” This hipster on speed was really fascinated by my xtc behaviour and he went to run with me. 
We went back and I suddenly saw something on a wall in the viaduct where I just had ran through. It’s quite a tunnel-like viaduct.  Amazing for these events.
I told I was gonna check out what it was. I thought the Hipster would follow me but I suddenly was walking alone. I noticed that it was a girl. I asked her if it was okay if I would join her. She was pretty cool. We each shared our own opinion about drugs, because I obviously had taken some and she hadn’t. She was enthoustiastic towards me though. I asked her if she wanted some of my sake and said she could have it all ‘cause I would throw it away anyway. (I really wanted to get rid of it because I was afraid I would drink of it when I would be thirsty. And you get thirsty so fucking fast wheb on pills.) She took a sip and said she didn’t like the taste because it tasted like rice and she hated rice but still she took another sip.
There was this group of boys walking on the other side of the road. They joined us out of nowhere. They also noticed I had taken something nice. Lol. The group of boys were a graffiti group and had a discussion with the girl about streetart vs. grafitti. They noticed the Bratz bottle and had to laugh. I told them they should take a sip. Speedy, a guy who looked just as what he had taken: speed, told me that there was a afterparty at someone’s place. I said: ”Well okay I wanna come with you guys buuut I have to tell Redhead that I’m going and I gotta get my jacket, is that okay?” He said: ”Sure, we’ll wait here.” 

I walked towards the place where I thought Redhead would be, but I found the Dutch boy and Maroccan. They wanted to share so many great stories, but these guys were waiting for me so I was saying: ”Yea I really want to talk to you but I gotta hurry because I’m going with them and I need to look for someone.” So I told them I’d ask if they could come with me. I saw Speedy and asked. He told me that it wasn’t his house though and I had to ask Leonardus, who was closeby the door. I randomly asked people if they were Leonardus and when I found him I asked him if I could bring 2 guys. He said it was all Speedy’s joke and he was going to sleep. I told Dutch boy and Marrocan that the party plans were ruined. So they went and chill some more. In the end I could not find them so we didn’t party after at his place and he didn’t come to the other afterparty I invited him for.  

I saw Cap and heard about getting free water somewhere, asked him about it. Got some water. I asked how late exactly the party was going to end and I only had 3 minutes so I went and got my jacket. 
I saw one of the graffiti boys: Tuig talking with Knot. I honestly don’t remember where I had get to known Knot but I knew him. They were started hugging me out of nowhere and Tuig was grapping my ass a bit. I made a hand gesture that that wasn’t okay. He laughed about it. We went downstairs. Redhead and Cap were lying in the tunnel-like viaduct. Speedy and Tuig were there too. I went and sat with them. Redhead had asked me before if we could share the last half that I had but I told her I had taken it myself already, I promised her though that I would get some for her. Tuig was cold and wanted me to warm him up. I wanted to give him my jacket but he sat next to me hugging me. Speedy told me he was a cook and Cap appeared to also have studied cooking. I was asking some curious questions about it. Told them that I thought it was amazing that people are so passionate about cooking but that to be honest I don’t like it at all. And BANGG someone had fired some fireworks. You heard it so loud in the tunnel and with the space it had an amazing effect. Just wow. Wow.
And Bang another one.

The graffiti boys had to make a picture of the train they had put their graffiti on. And had to take the train to that train around 11. So when I asked them if they wanted to come to the afterparty, they were hesitant. (I think it was around 7-8.)
Tuig wanted to come (Because of me, ‘cause I was gonna afterparty and he was hitting on me lol.) and persuaded Speedy. We were still lying on the ground though. Speedy told us he only wanted to stay here if we actually were going to the afterparty and not just lay around. I agreed and we were walking towards town. The partyplace where we were at was just closed so allot of people were outside. All of us stopped to talk to people and Tuig took my hand and dragged me to a wall. Where he kissed me. Then I saw Knot and just asked if he wanted to come with us and he did. Suddenly we were walking behind someone who knew exactly were the party was at. Cap didn’t have enough money to come with us unfortunately. We went inside. Redhead got to know Knot. And I saw them giving each other a kiss on the mouth. But a subtle one. It didn’t look like something special.

We went to sit somewhere and Tuig and I kissed some more. I went looking for Feather, Bear, Afro and their friends. They weren’t there yet, so I looked if they maybe where in the line but seeing such a long line made me go inside, afraid that it took too long to get in again. Redhead told me she thought it was becoming boring after a bit walking around. So I told her I would get her something. I basically asked everyone if they maybe had something nice for me. Until finally! I met a dealer. I bought 2 pills. 
I figured, a half for Tuig, a half for Redhead, half for Knot and a half for me later maybe.
I gave Redhead one pill and she immidiatly shrug it down. She thought it was a half already. She wasn’t scared by it though. Tuig wanted to give one to Speedy and Knot didn’t want because he liked the speed enough already he was on. (I didn’t know anymore by that time who was doing what.)
Later I bought one for myself, and took a little less of a half of it.

I saw Feather, Afro and Bear coming in and introduced them to Tuig as good friends of mine. Feather asked me if he was my boyfriend or something. Then Tuig replied with: ”Yea well for today kinda.” We all had to laugh. I wanted to dance with Redhead, Tuig, Knot the entire night but never have. Redhead started to dissapear around 9. I have looked basically all around the club so I figured she was gone. (Which in the end appeared to be true.) 

Tuig and I went outside to see the light of the day. There was this blonde girl who I had met inside already. She asked if we were boyfriend and girlfriend. (Probably because we were holding hands.) And I was like WOW you have already asked that inside xD. She had to go home even after I almost begged her to come inside. Her friends were waiting for her at her house, even if she didn’t want to go, she had to. I told her I really wanted to add her on facebook but that I wasn’t going to remember her name. And she told me the same. Awwie. She went and Tuig and I were talking and kissing for quite a time. When it started to rain we moved under a parasol. We saw Speedy walking towards the trainstation. Knowing that Tuig had to go now too, we made a picture, shared phone numbers and kissed and hugged goodbye. He promised me he would send a picture of the finished grafitti piece.
I must say, we were just a spur of the moment. But I found out that he is quite good guy. He actually liked my clothing style, which I don’t really hear anywhere. And I always have dicussions with people about girls who shave their entire heads. Only 1 friend and I think it’s cool and the rest always dissagrees. But he thought it was awesome. I asked him if he did this (As in kissing random chicks.) often but he told me it had been atleast more than a year. (Ofcourse I don’t know if the truth, but ok.) We also shared quite some opinions. So I was kinda relieved that I wasn’t kissing with a fucking asshole or something haha. Because I don’t do this often. Lol I don’t do this at all. I don’t even hug people normally. 

When I went inside I saw the dealer guy leave, he asked me if I had a nice evening. And told me we would meet again. I said: ”Lol where?” He only petted my cheek with his hand and then he went. Haha.

I danced. Someone told me I had a nice clothing style. And I was: ”Oh wow thankyou!.” She told me she just had to tell me because she really liked it. Then I said I also told someone whoms outfit I liked and how I thought that you should just tell someone that, because it just feels good to hear that if you put effort in your clothing, someone likes it. Especially if girls say it. Boys in general don’t only have less interest in clothing but it’s also never really sure if he says it because he thinks so or if he has other reasons behind it. I also said I really would like to say that her outfit was nice but that I couldn’t really see it well in the dark. (My outfit was quite bright.) Then we started talking about ze drugsss. She was on pure M. She told me the benefits of it and almost wanted to give me some, but then I told her what I already had taken and that it was enough. 
I actually should have exchanged phonenumbers ‘cause she asked if I come to these parties often. Because really, I find it very difficult to make friends with girls. With boys whom I have no connection to at all as well, because for some reason they always think I’m desperately in love with them or something. 2 reasons why I don’t have many friends.

Then I sat somewhere to chill for a bit and a friend who I hadn’t seen yet started talking to me. We were both too chill for an actual conversation.  Feather joined and later Knot as well. We let someone take a picture of Feather, Knot and I. Which are pretty funny. Knot and I talked for a bit about how he had a new place and if I wanted to help him decorate it and maybe come to the housewarming. I would love to decorate the house! But I don’t know if I’ll be going to the housewarming yet. (Because of my work.) He was also talking about what I thought was a good way of working a trio relationship out. I dunno, I think trio relationships are amazing but it’s hard because sharing the love is not easy, so if only one cannot deal with it, it won’t work out. I don’t think I could work it out because I’m too greedy.

I went to dance for a bit and I suddenly started to have small hallicunations. There was a guy behind me who had a really big jacket but I thought I saw a hotdog suit. I know it sounds crazy but really. After that I saw someone with a cupcake dress and when I closed my eyes I saw moving mandela’s. I didn’t really like to see those things but I didn’t panick either. After that we chilled on the couch, danced, chilled. Suddenly when I was dancing 2 guys next to me both started to become grossily interested in me. One even followed me, so I went to the couch, to my friends. Chilled there until they were closing. We all went outside. Knot told me I was sweet, when I said he was sweet he gave me the funny ”Oeeh girl” look. Hahah.
Everyone wanted to chill at Bear’s house, which is pretty closeby.
This ffing old guy was still stalking me. I told Afro, so he could watch it a little and he had noticed it already. 
I asked if Knot wanted to come along but he told me it was time he catched a bus because he still had shit to do.  I hugged him and he gave me kiss on the cheek.

The ffing stalker guy managed to get into Bear’s house. I sat there and everyone was so dead. I became hungry and I just said well I’m gonna go home because I am hungry. Lol. Also because I was afraid that if I would stay to the end, that stalker guy would follow me to my house. So I went home. Wanted to eat something but I immidiatly fell asleep.  

It was one of the best fucking nights of my life. The most spontanuos, most gentle, sweet nights of my life.

And I have thanked Redhead for convincing me to just take some.
But am also proud that I still only did it for myself.  

And strangely enough I have finished it (Technically not, but my day-night rhythm is gone.) : Today 2 January 1:35

A sweet burn I enjoyed.

There is this thing going on at my work to what I secretly laugh at.
I do that secretly because I know it isn’t nice to think of me.
But hey! Humour ain’t always nice.

Anyhow here I go:

I work almost daily at quite a big shop. I mostly work at the fashion section.
I’m at school only for 2 classes, that’s why when I’m there I’m mostly there when ‘kids’ my age are in school. So what that comes down to is that I work with old farts.
Around 3 or 4, thursday evening and in the weekends though the ‘kids’ come. 
Now I must say that there are ofcourse others like me but I don’t work with them really. It’s more that if I’m lucky I’ll have the break together. I think my boss intentionally put all the youngsters in different sections of the shop so ‘we’ won’t chat while working.   …damn that’s exactly what I hate about companies. Allllwaaays thinking of the money…
Anyhow. When I just started there this muslima introduced herself to me. Apperently she also just started working there.
She’s a sweet girl but I just don’t understand her at all.
She’s not really shy but not really outspoken either. Since the beginning we clicked. Which suprises me actually, maybe because she’s a muslima and I never had muslim friends, or any other religious friends.. now that I think of it.
That’s not because I’m against it or whatever but really there were almost no religious or black people at the schools I’ve been at, nor they live in the areas I’ve lived.
But also it suprises me because I used to have like all these ”odd” colours in my hair, like pink, blue, yellow and so forth. I know that almost none of my coworkers know that, but I’m always thinking if they would judge me for it, same goed for my clothing style. Because when I’m there with my black hair and uniform they shall never judge me on appearance. And to be honest: I’ve never experienced that in my entire life. I’ve always been the odd kid, everywhere.
I’ve always carried it around as pride but I would never tell all of my coworkers ‘cause I know some of them will unintentionally judge me. And I don’t like that on the workfloor. Prefer to be liked when I’m working atleast.

Anyhow back to the muslima, we clicked.
She has school though. So I only see her at the youngster days. We both work a lot so I atleast see her once in two days.
We work at the same section, so it’s been pretty fun.
But now the weird thing is that she always says things like ”Because I’m in love with you, doh.” she’s always busy with flirtuous stuff. She’s super interested if anyone surrounding her has a love life. And she’s always hugging me while yelling that she missed me so muuuch. 
She’s engaged already, while being younger then me. My curiousity will ask all the questions without shame. But I always ask if it’s okay of me to ask.

I’m often late at my work and I’m a bit awkward so I don’t think everyone really likes me there and that’s totally cool with me. I rather see their honest ‘don’t-give-a-shit-face’ then talk about my back. Also when I am nice or funny it suprises them and it’s even better. There’s one girl I really don’t like though. She’s arrogant and everyone acts just to make her like them. All just because she’s so demanding. Everyone will laugh just because she does. I don’t like that princess attitude at all. 
She’s also foreign so she and the muslima also clicked pretty easily.
Today I arrived on the workfloor and everyone was looking at the dayplanner, the muslima immidiatly yelled that she missed me and started hugging me.
Erm I forgot to say that I’m super awkward with hugging, mostly I’ll say I don’t like it. But if I say it at my work I think it’ll make me look bad. 
So I was just saying like ”Oh you, you’re crazy.” stuff like that, being like me and just not hugging back. 
And the foreign princess immidiatly asked ”Huh what are you doing? I don’t understand, what’s that all about?” In the beginning the muslima ignored her but then she said quite loudly ”Do you know how much I missed her?!” and all her crazy sweet stuff.
I think she goes overboard with her sweet stuff but I don’t want to say it right in her face, I’ll never go along with it though. And I’m proud at myself that I act after thinking wisely about it. 
But today I couldn’t bother less. I just loved the frustrated princess’ face. 

Yea I’m a fun and maybe slighlty weird and odd person but people still love me for what I am.

That’s also one of the things that I DO love about work, the fact that I don’t get judged but accepted so easily, because let’s face it: We’re all there for the money. 

Good choices 2012

-Getting over my boyfriend and seeing the positive.
-Stopping to try reaching 2 friends of mine who didn’t see me as a part of their lives anymore.
-Becoming great friends with someone I know online.
-Not feeling sad about not passing my exams.
-Sell a lot of crap on internet.
-Backpacking.
-Hitchhiking.
-Couchsurfing.
-Skipping so much useless classes.
-And sleeping instead while I was at it. (Instead of dying of lack of sleep.)
-Stopping to push myself to go to drawing class I actually (for once in my life) didn’t like.
-Doing psychedelic shrooms.
-Doing XTC.
-Going to all the motherfucking parties I’ve went to.
-Always running while I was drunk.
-Getting out of the parties when I wasn’t into them anymore.
-Being honest with people when I thought we shouldn’t be friends anymore.
-Stop ignoring someone. 
-Letting a couchsurfer stay here.
-Going to all the motherfucking concerts I’ve been to.
-Opening up so I could meet new people.
-Making my best friend walk away from her home and let her live at mine for 2 months.
-Telling my best friend honestly I needed more privacy.
-Accepting that she prefered to live with her boyfriend.
-Crying over a movie that was real to me.
-Making a light table for animation.
-Finding out what I really love to draw.
-Making an amazing painting that’s still not finished.
-Getting another job.
-Not being mad at my mother for too long.
-Opening up to people at my job and actually making friends.
-Being honest to my boss I couldn’t work so much anymore because it stressed me out.
-Believing in myself. (And not killing myself.)
-Actually going to one class with 100% attendency, just because I like how that teacher teaches.
-Watching so fucking many anime.
-Watching so fucking many movies.
-Making a Tumblr account.
-Buying Lolita dresses.
-Reading books.
-Reading a whole lot of manga.
-Having an amazing imagination of people I do not know.
-Having an amazing imagination overall.
-Doing the best I can and still accepting the little.
-Preparing for my own party.
-Having a party.
-Starting to sometimes masturbate.
-Letting an old friend back into my life just because he tries to.
-All the mistakes I made. (I learned from them, y’all.)

Besides my own (long awaited) bucket list, I’m gonna put a list up with choices I made this year which were good.

Some girl at my work who I’m kind of becoming friends with. (I really like her perspective on life.) Just randomly asked me if I have Tumblr, so I responded with an: ”Uuh yea.. and you?”
She said: ”Yea you seem like you have one, I have one too but with like 3 followers.”
I immidiatly laughed. ”I’m not populair either.” 

We make Tumblr themes