I’m not good enough for you?!
Hey there. I feel happy because I have curls. Should I get a perm?
Imma fuck you up
I’m really digging this kawaii punk style right now. Too bad I’m too lazy to make a better picture.
Aiiiii lookin’ fancy tonight!
I feel like I’ve just met my new best friends this weekends.
Let’s hope they feel the same!
So many parties have passed. Since NYE, I have partied every weekend.
And I haven’t written shit.
Some serious fucking hilarious shit has happened. No one will be able to laugh about it. But the slut in me is just laughing my fucking arse off about what has happened this weekend.
Fuck feeling lonely, I should be proud that I’m more socially active and actually doing things.
Maybe not things everyone approves of but I am changing and people shouldn’t ignore me for it but they should get to know the newer me.
I’m having fun. I want positive energy.
Fuck my depressions. They will never leave me but the only thing I can do is try to have a good life alongside them.
I’ll write about the adventures in a summary way as soon as I’ve finished a school assignment. Wich hopefully will be a bit soon, but most likely not.
Some funny things have happened lately.
If you wanna understand everything you’ll have to read my story about my NYE’s xtc adventure.
Holy shit now that I’m thinking there are more stories that I need to tell than I thought when I started. Shit. xD
Last weekend Redhead and I wanted to party but we didn’t have any plans. We went to get alcohol and when I walked in the supermarket I saw the little brother of a friend of mine and when I was at the cash register I saw someone else I knew and he asked me if I was also going to Fist’s house. So Redhead and I were like, nope we don’t have any plans but we could go with you.
We waited until he was done in the supermarket and then I saw that he also knew my friends’ little brother and that he and his friend were also coming with.
Someone thought he knew where we were going but he let us bike almost an hour for a place we could’ve arrived in 15 minutes.
We came there and I immidiatly saw people I knew. He has such a little house but damn it was totally filled with people. Fist was actually already sleeping after puking from too much alcohol. He actually had people set up as DJ’s and the music was super fucking loud.
Afro, Feather and Baldie were there and some people I knew from ADE. (Only knew there faces really.) Also I saw someone that I knew from primary school.
Everyone there was already pretty fucked up.
Redhead and I started drinking. We weren’t drunk enough after we finished our stuff. So we started with Fist’s beer. After talking with some people I told Redhead to go check the rest of the house out. We went upstairs and some people joined us. It was really chill. Playa and Realbaldie started talking to us and where talking about chicks they banged, about drugs and all that fun stuff. I’ve noticed that Redhead and I actually really share a lot of opinions when it comes to those things.
We went outside so Redhead could smoke some weed and because it was so cold everyone joined to smoke in the garage xD (which is unhumanly small.)
We went to sit downstairs again and I saw a girl I knew: Dye. Redhead suddenly told me if it was okay that the guy next to her sat so close to her because she thought that Dye kinda looked like she didn’t like it. So I asked if Dye wanted to come outside, she was hesitant but when I said ”Yea let’s go.” she joined. I asked if Baldie wanted to come with because we were gonna smoke again. So he joined ofcourse. xD
This is a serious secret but I kinda am trying to become friends with him, if you know what I mean. LAL. And it’s going pretty well I think.
So I told Dye why I took her with me and she thought it was really kind of us to take her outside but that it was okay.
Then she suddenly told me she had seen me at NYE with a guy that was kinda touchy touchy (Oh hell I had to laugh when she said that.) she knew that I was on xtc so she was thinking then that she should’ve maybe walked to me to ask if it was okay but she didn’t really dare to. I told her that I thought that chicks help chicks, she should’ve just walked up to me to say it because if it was cool I wouldn’t have mind it at all.
It was cool with me, I don’t regret kissing with Tuig at all but now that I think of it later, I think I’m not gonna do that again. I hate it that he doesn’t contact me, I don’t expect anything at all from him but I just think it’s childish to lie about contacting someone. If you are gonna play me than man up and say so, I was playing him as well so you’re not gonna fucking hurt me or something, if you just say you don’t want any contact.
So I told her that and also that how pathetic it actually was how he fixed me. And that I thought it was too bad that when taking xtc I couldn’t really control myself.
But also that I think I learned from it and do not regret it at all, because kissing a stranger is something I had to have done once in my life.
With my stupid drunk head I actually had told this while not only Dye but also Redhead and Baldie where listening.
I don’t feel like a slut at all, I was just having fun. So I’m not ashamed for saying it actually but it did feel weird because I don’t think it’s an impressive thing to hear for Baldie if he wants to be friends with me haha. BUT he actually told me that losing control is just what can happen if you take xtc, he wasn’t suprised at all, we were all pretty much laughing about it actually.
Redhead was with me on NYE but she can’t remember anything. I had told her I had fixed some guy but she didn’t know that he grapped my ass first and I still went along with it. Haha. Also she didn’t know I kissed him. She was kinda shocked but when I kinda explained it she could laugh about it as well.
Redhead and I were going upstairs again where I saw Redlip with two girls I didn’t know yet but where so hilarious. Since Redlip has used xtc she starts to stutter when she’s drunk so Redhead and I asked if she wanted to walk outside for a bit, ‘cause she was hella drunk. She said yea maybe that’s good for me, let’s go but when we were outside she immidiatly wanted to go back. xD
Laugher, her friend was only drunk but acted as if she had taken pills. Seriously.
She was super happy and kind. At one moment, Redlip told us that we had to say some nice things to her because she knew she started feeling bad. So I said well I don’t want to get intimate but I think you’re really pretty. Laugher immidiatly said yeaa me too!! And Redlip was Awwiingg the entire time.
At that time everyone was pretty much drunk or spacing on metaketa. Redhead and I still wanted to go to town, to a hardstyle party. Where other friends of us would be. But noone wanted to come with us.
I saw a friend of mine who also deals in pills and I said I wanted to buy some from him for another time. When Feather saw me buying it, he immidiatly asked what I thought I was doing and shit. Like super unneccesary protective. Hella annoying. He was really drunk.
Redhead and I rock paper scissor’ed if we should go and it came out that we should go to town. We said goodbye to everyone and I told Laugher that I would like to do some drugs with her sometimes because she was so happy, she told me that she thought it sounded really exciting.
Redhead and I were outside and our friend texted her that the party was shite and that he wanted to come to us instead. So we stayed there after all. We got some beer and started to party again.
Real fun night.
This was not everything I wanted to tell BUT because this post is already so long I kept it to only this night. The rest I’ll tell in a different post later tonight.
I’m so fucking hyper. I can’t fucking study, I can’t fucking sleep, even work can’t handle my energy.
I just wanna party so hard.
My mom is basically slowly telling me that when I’m done with this ”adult high school” (I only have 2 subjects now and I work besides that.) I need to get the fuck outta the house and study.
First I wanted to travel but now I know I’m not gonna have enough money for it because I’ll have to live on my own after summer. Unless I take a year out and work but no fucking way I’ll be able to survive that. (Because that’s basically what I’m doing now.)
There’s only one college I want to go and I know I can get in.
But it’s in another town and I know already that it’s gonna be hella tough if when I start to live on my own I also have to start living in a town I don’t know.
I know I can be alone but I don’t know if I can be that alone. Well atleast then I’ll be going to school everyday, so it’s definitely gonna be different from the fuckshit I’m doing now. Haha.
Also because it’s hard to get a room in a different town I’m most likely gonna live in this town on my own and travel everyday. Also so I can get into living alone a bit.
But what I really wanted to say is that I’m going to make a list of positive things about living alone, so that if I’m ever feeling alone or unsure about it, I can look back at this list and smile.